Just when I think I'm on the mend and might be thinking what I could do to cheer Nana up when I see her at the nursing home, guess who drops in?
I don't get it. I mean stuff like this never happens to me. Oh, I hear I about it. I've even seen it. But to me. No, this was not what I had planned on my day off from school. Especially, when I'm pretty much asleep. And alone.
Sarah shows up.
At first, I thought it was dream. You know, like maybe my meds are making me delirious and I'm in my happy place. Well, she wouldn't have been there. She wouldn't have been. Then there she was. In my bed.
And I thought of all the words I should have said and all I came out with was a "huh."
I didn't ask how she got in. Maybe she was here before only in somebody else's room. Not mine. It was a lot to think about, but she wasn't letting me think. As it was, I was pretty much under-dressed for the occasion and in bed.
Next thing I know, she's all over me.
Not to say I wasn't happy to see her. It was just. WOW. This couldn't be happening. And I know I was suppose to um, say the right thing. But is there a right thing to say in such a situation?
"Jesus! What are you trying to do," I said first thing when she kissed me. "Trying to get sick." I kind of think there was more to it than that.
"But I missed you." A likely story.
"I don't believe you," There. I moved away. Maybe I just have low self esteem. Maybe I just didn't want to take advantage of the situation, especially when she had all the advantages.
"Why can't you believe me?" Sarah looked hurt and I had a devil of a time of her letting go of my arm.
"I think-" God, maybe I wasn't thinking. Well, if I wasn't I'm sure we would have been doing something else. Anyway, I knew she didn't want to hear it from me. "You're just going through some stuff, and I think you should get through it without-without this first."
Of course, she acted as if she didn't understand. I'm beginning to think she'd make a good actress.
"Just stop being crazy," I told her getting dressed while I could. "This just isn't the way I want it to be." I couldn't believe I said that, but I felt it.
"Well, how do you want it to be?" She was still waiting in bed as if I'd change my mind.
"I'd just be the rebound guy." I shrugged. It sounded so Seinfeld when I thought about it, but wouldn't that be true.
"I already had the rebound guy." She looked at me as if she'd one upped me in this so called game of ours.
"And who might that have been?"
"Vague much?" I had to think here, throw it all out, thinking this was where it would end. I'd just say his name. "You're just trying to hurt Lon, aren't' you?"
I knew I could make her quiet. Yeap, that would do it.
"What is your problem?" She looked at me as if I had better have a good answer.
"There is someone." I nodded. "And she means everything to me. I don't want to screw it up. I don't. And I would with you, most definitely." It was true. Only one person came to mind, and I had to keep thinking about her because I'm pretty sure Sarah would have changed my mind, otherwise.