Thursday, December 11, 2008

the big wide open

OK...I've been weird today.

1. I went to see how long I could go without talking to one person today at school. Amazing. I don't think I said anything to anyone. Maybe I won't show up for that tournament. I don't think I will.

2. I went to sleep with the light still on. I just laid there on my futon and fell right to sleep. My step-mom came and woke me up. Nothing has cheered me up. Not even THE OFFICE.

3. I went for a walk this afternoon. It was nice. Well, there was a chill in the air. Definitely winter, but the sky was open wide and the sun was out. A fierce wind at times. Made my eyes water and my nose wet, but I didn't mind. I suspect it will be a whole lot colder when I get to Nebraska so I might as well, get used to this old Texas wind. Naturally, almost ran into a skunk. They have no season. Not in Texas when you are in bare grass country and prickly-pare. I mean, to most they'd say, what the fuck when they come out here. There is nothing. I don't see it that way. You got to get up close, brave the elements, hope you don't run into a rattle snake. Which I don't really think about'm much. But the wild turkey were about. A herd of white tail deer came bopping through. Then I explored this old barn up in the west side of the pasture. It used to be a farren house for pigs. I don't think my Dad ever used it. It was here before he bought the place. And I don't think those were toys from out house. Those Barbie dolls were in pretty sad shape. Don't know why those toys were there. Somebody just cleaned out the house and stuck them there a long time ago. Really, none of it is worth keeping. Kind of sad. Somebody's Christmas done gone. Then I noticed a place in the thicket. A wall built up with rocks piled up. Somebody entertained themselves many years ago, I guess. I put a few more rocks on top just to say I'd been there, I guess. I looked back down the draw where the house sits. There we stay, inside, playing our games as the days go by. Of course, I got yelled out for being out too long and missing dinner, but I didn't really care, wasn't hungry.

I really hate it when she hugs me. I do. I don't know why my step-mom has to care about me so much. She just makes me want to cry and I hate that. I can't stop crying. I think I'm going to be sick. For real.


krl said...

hmmm... i see.


Cate said...

About point 1:
I tried that too once, because I felt I was annoying everyone. In fact, I did annoy everyone. You know what? I'm - no. I was gonna say I would try it today again, but I have P.E. today, I need moral support from others for that.
Ew, a skunk! I mean they look cute but they're 'dangerous'!
That's sad about that barn... Nostalgia overcomes me in situations like these...

taffy. said...

you have such a sweet step-mom.

so do you feel accomplished that you managed not to speak to anyone?

Cait said...

come on..snap out of it.

Cait said...

come on..snap out of it.

dapper kid said...

I do admire the step mother for her effort. And I adore winter sunshine, walking outside is a joy with that type of weather.

Posh said...

Cheer up! Things will only get better. Empower yourself!