Wednesday, December 10, 2008

one reason or another

Tomorrow is Thursday. Then the dental appointment. Oh, the dread. So much to dread.

Why? Why does it have to be this way? Sort of like having to stop and see my mother's family. Yeah, I'm not looking forward to it. It makes me nervous just thinking about it. But then I'll get to Ellie, and I guess that will be good. I hope. Although, I'm going to feel like a 3rd wheel. Yeah, it'll be like that.

You know, I should just stay home. Stay here and play guitar hero. I'm getting better. Getting my fingers into the beat. My step-mom says I should just get an electric guitar. Is she crazy? I can't do that. That would just be so wrong. I mean, I don't know what I'd do. I have to stare at the TV when I'm playing those notes, you know. I hope she's not thinking about it. That would be way to expensive. Way too much to spend on me. I mean, I did save up and bought the xbox 360 myself. Not like somebody bought that for me.

Other than that I did not say a word to anybody at school today. And I know its the Sarah thing. See its like that when you go to an all time small school like I do. Everybody knows everybody's business.

Now you're small could it be? Well, you think its huge if you've got fifteen people in your graduation class. Yeah, that kind of small. It was way smaller than that when Jay went to school there. Well, actually, they consolidated all these rural schools, and its still a rural school that I go to.

But then again, you know people. And they know you. And they know what happened. Or they think they did. And yeah, its like that. So that's why Steph won't speak to me. Should have figured as much. Nobody seems to care how you feel. How you are the outsider. You will always be the outsider. For one reason or another.

You know what I should read? The Outsiders. God, why didn't I think about that. Its kind of depressing. Still I don't think the movie did that book justice. OK, maybe it was that kid who gets it in the end and Matt Dillon, but that opening paragraph in that book... Wooo..gets to me everytime I read it.

Maybe I need to read it right now.


krl said...

hmmm... i see.

i went to see cobra starship live. i strongly dislike them but they were entertaining live. the lead guy sure does swear a lot...


taffy. said...

haha, the outsiders...
bad experience with that book.


dapper kid said...

It's always strange how claustrophobic school can be when you have small classes, everyone seems to know each others business, and usually not the correct version of the story!

ivy fan fic said...

aw...this made me sad to read actually. I want you get something good for Christmas.