I really want to explain this. I really do, but I don't know how.
You ever been intoxicated over someone? Well, that's what it was like. And I didn't think I could be like that, you know. Not now. Not after what I went through with Sarah. You know, my luck, hey... maybe I should just forget women altogether. Be a monk or something. I mean, I had intentions, like that. I got some work. Not real work according to some, but still, I wasn't sitting at home or anything. And you know, Sarah couldn't ask me for child support and everybody kept telling me how lucky I was. But I didn't feel lucky. I really didn't.
But then when I met Ellie, I was an idiot. Quite a fool. Show off. But she hung on to every word I said. I knew of her by Lonnie. We talked about him some, but he's got Steph, and well, really, he's taken. Nobody is getting Lonnie but Steph.
It was like nothing could go wrong that night I was with Ellie at Lonnie's graduation. It was fun. I just kept smiling, like I had a stupid disease. Then I got her to dancing. And I don't know what it is about dancing, but you just get this feeling that you can be a part of each other. You know how she'll react and what she's capable of. I mean, I hadn't sensed that in a long time. But it was good. Like good sex should be. Where you just can't get enough. I just didn't want to lose it.
Maybe I just wanted to see how far we could go that night. Something like that. And we were in her car. And I wanted her, and she wanted me. I think I tried to talk her out of it. Maybe. Maybe not. Guess not. Evidently not.
I didn't regret we did it in the back of her car, but then, I just didn't want her to say goodbye, either. I just couldn't leave it, "When will I see you again?" That would have just been lame. So I got the idea for the beach and god damn, it was sweet. Nothing nor no one was going to talk us out of it.
Maybe we are just doing this backwards now. Well, not the sex, but us. I think we're going forward. Yeah, its going forward. And its really more than just the sex. We had a fine time at the beach. Just made me want to be with her more. And no way, would I want to make things bad for her. Because I love her smile. She makes me smile. Its just, I hope she wants to be with me. I got to find a way that she'll know it was worth it. I know its too soon to say it. But I'm in love. And I don't mind being Lon Love, anymore.