So how can I explain this? Well, I can't. I'm not really good at those kind of things. Never have been. Actually.
And I know what they're thinking, "he's gone and done it again." Possibly more like, "Well, he's a fuck'n jack ass like always." Yeah, I've heard that line a few times. Don't know what it is about me, but I tend to be trouble.
Maybe though..maybe its meeting all the wrong people that bring the worst out in me. Yeah, that could be it. I mean, yes, I've had some real set backs this year. All right, maybe the last few years.
Granted getting mixed up with Sarah was the bigest mistake I ever made. There was the time I thought it was the best. Of course, at the time, I thought she was going to have my kid, and I could live with her shit. I knew what she was made of. I did. She's a real piece work, and it was something like love. It felt something like it. Of course, half the time it felt she had knife, screwing it in tighter about something, most times, but still. Maybe I thought I deserved it. After all, we had a history. Complicated at that.
She had secrets from the get go. Granted, I'm not perfect even if Irma said so. Yeah, I know, it could have been something really special with her. I know that. Just I thought she deserved something better. Cause, I wasn't who she thought I was. Wish I could have been, but I was still messed up over Sarah.
God, I'm such a dumb shit.
But Ellie changed everything.
Only, I'm still a dumb shit.