Wednesday, July 8, 2009

just maybe

Shit.

I told Ellie I loved her and then I hung up on her.

I haven't heard from her sense.

What if that was the wrong thing to say? Already? I mean, you know, we do things together. You know. Sex. And I hope she knows I wouldn't be doing that with her if I didn't have feelings for her. You know.

I mean, I do love her. She has to know that. And I think she loves me. It feels that way. Especially when she's around me. And she lets me lay my head in her lap when we watch TV. Thats the best. Her fingers in my hair. God, I love her hands.

I hope she doesn't hate me. But thats how I feel. And, well, I was like, what if I don't get out of this. You know driving Roger's car. She has to know I love her. She means a lot to me. And..and I hope I didn't fuck this up.

Roger on the other hand. What is up with that dude? He might have feelings for Olivia. OK, I know he does. I can see it. The way he is around her.

I mean, this dude is not straight up gay. I guess. I dunno. I'm not sure a psychology book would do any good to help me figure him out. You know, he's gay. He's not gay. I'm beginning to think he's one of those kind of people who loves to be needed and thats what its about. And then where do you go when that's over? Really?

I hope he's good to her. And isn't just playing her along. Because, she's so damn sincere, and I'm going to try to stay out of it. Because this is a Roger thing. I'll be the big brother I have to be. Honest, I'm not that good of a big brother.

I think back with Lonnie. How I was. I mean, he's seen me at my worst and yeah, I was real jack ass about what's her face. I feel better if I don't even say her name anymore. So I don't.

Anyway, Lonnie knows me. He really does. God, I wish he didn't know me so well.

I dunno. I don't even know if I want to mention this Roger thing to Ellie. Oh well, wait and see. Wait and see.

5 comments:

em said...

Hmmm good to know what Lon is thinking.

taffy. said...

i love that lon's sometimes a really excellent guy.

Cait said...

I loved this one.

Malena said...

Thanks for the comments! I like your blog, I've never seen a story written in blog post format.

Lady Stardust said...

hi
thnx for writing (:
nice blog

xx