Thursday, August 27, 2009

hoping for the best

All right. This could really be happening. Something I've really been wanting for a long time. I almost had. Almost. Really, it was so close. And really, I dunno if I could have ever made it work with Sarah. But maybe if she'd stayed she wouldn't have been in half of this trouble that her mother spoke of on the phone to me.

But I could have been wrong about that because she had her moment. It wasn't perfect. Can't say we were on the road to recovery. Cause, she could have her bouts. You know, where she hated everything and everyone. Didn't put up with it, either. Well, I say that, but I did. It didn't feel like it at the time. I'd just, you know, leave her alone.

I'm not saying we were really in love. Exactly. I just felt of her as she was family, you know. And I had to take care of her. I actually, never had sex with her. I mean, she was pregnant then. And you know.

Anyway, I don't know what Ellie would think if she knew this stuff. If she'd be OK with it or what. I mean, its not like I'm perfect. But its not like I was messing around, either. Not with this Sarah thing. Now that I think about it. I really hadn't been with anyone for an awful long time.

Not until Ellie came along.

Man, I forgot about that. Kind of freaks me out. Not that I want to dwell on it now. I mean, just want us to get Charlie. And I hope Ellie will be all right with this. I just hope it'll go OK. But I'm nervous. Really, totally nervous about this. Just hope its the right thing for me, Ellie and Charlie.

3 comments:

Cait said...

I like his honesty.

dapper kid said...

I am glad to see him set out his feelings like this, I'm sure it is good catharsis :)

Carrie said...

Thank you for dropping by my blog and for leaving such a lovely comment.

Great post. I really enjoy reading your work.

All the best,
Carrie