Thursday, August 6, 2009

all these thoughts rushing in

Man, I can't believe how many memories came back to me about Charlie, after seeing Rosie.

Kyle is so lucky to get to see her so often and spend time with her. She's so adorable. She must look like her mother. Her bright red hair. I know it was hard for Kyle to leave her. He's so young, but he seems really devoted to Rosie.

I guess he's got a lot on his mind. Finding out the mother of his child is with somebody else. He found out from a friend of his. When I was his age, and something like that happened. You know, a girl would do something like that to me. I'd get ugly. I really would.

I was pretty hostile with Sarah when she'd pull stunts like that. It was always a vicious cyle. You know, well, if you do that I'll do this. I don't know why we just didn't mess each others stuff up. Instead, go and do something stupid. Go out with people you didn't even like. Just so petty.

I don't know what changed in me. Really. Maybe it was seeing how Lonnie treated Sarah. He really was the better boyfriend. He was just so calm, you know. And he treated her as if he thought she was this wonderful girl. I knew she wasn't. She could play me. She knew how to push my buttons. She could make me go crazy. Then all the drama.

I just kept watching, thinking, why couldn't I be more like Lonnie. And yeah, meeting Irma again. I was so determained we were going to have this solid foundation relationship that I guess I forgot about her in the process. It was all so misleading. Don't know why it was that way.

Then there was the factor that she'd had this heavy duty crush on me during high school, and I didn't even notice her once. I felt guilty about that. You know, how could I make it up to her. Well, that didn't work out.

And then this thing comes along with Ellie, out of no where, and I just couldn't help myself. It was like a feeding frenzy of some sort. I dunno. I'm laughing with her. Not at her.

I'm not sure what to expect now. Not sure I should even think about it. Going home with Ellie to meet her Dad. I get to meet Rosie's Mom. I wonder how that'll go. She's probably mad that Rosie isn't there.

And then this whole Charlie thing. It makes me want to contact Sarah and see whats going on. I want to know about him. Yet, I think its best not to get involved with her. It would just be toxic. It would do Charlie no good.

I hope he's OK. I wonder what he's doing right now.

4 comments:

Cait said...

aw..I feel sad for Lon.

taffy. said...

lon's so reflective. it's nice.

simon n josh said...

I kind of hope he does find out about Charlie.

em said...

Aw, I can picture Rosie like that:)