I don't know if I can explain what I'm feeling, but its a good feeling. I'm so happy to see Charlie, and to think he's gonna be with me. I get Charlie. At least at the moment. I don't want to think how long that might last.
I have his birth certificate. His shot records. Those were things Sarah's Mom kept. I know I'll have to keep in contact with her. Probably even make a few trips to Texas when I can so she can see him.
I'm so anxious, you know. And Charlie. He's so big. He's talking. OK, its just babble, but I'm gonna figure it out. He can say all these things. OK, I don't know what they are. I hear from Sarah's Mom that he can say Momma and Dadda, but I have no idea if he's making that much of a connection. I mean, not with me. But he's being really so attentive. He's such a happy kid. Which I don't see how with as much as he's went through.
I'm doing my best not to be angry with Sarah. I just don't know why she does the things she does. You'd think she'd care about him, you know. Evidently, she doesn't. She left him with some friend of hers in Dallas and...and Sarah's Mom says she's taking speed mostly. Gotten really skinny. Her Mom was afraid she was on meth. She doesn't think she is. Something about modeling, I think she said. I kind of stopped listening after awhile. My luck she'll make a fortune then come looking for Charlie.
And then there is Ellie. Who I think is OK with Charlie. You know, she thinks he's really adorable. Those huge brown eyes of his and that adorable smile. She can't help but smile at him and watch him, you know. And then she looks at me and well, not so much smiling. I think she's mad at me. I think she's upset about something. That I'm hiding something. That its me. I don't know. I just know she's mad. Really, I never seen her like this. I don't know if I can fix it.
Maybe it would be better if I just move out on my own with Charlie. That way we won't be so much a burden. She's starting college. She doesn't need this. She needs to have fun. And you know, fun can only last so long with a baby. He's a good baby. Almost eight months. He's this little man, you know. I feel like I've missed so much already. I'm just glad to have him back and I hope it'll work out.