Thursday, April 22, 2010

the let down

I'm feeling pretty stupid right now. Like a real dumb shit. Actually.

I know I've done a lot of things wrong in my life. Seriously, I thought the worst of it was over. How I let one person down. Like Sarah, Charlie's mother. We really weren't good for each other. And I always felt something was missing when, when it was probably my fault when she lost our baby. Granted. She was only a couple of months pregnant when it happened. But still, its always been there. That guilt.

But then, its like my mind went on rewind when I saw that picture of Reese at Ellie's grandparents. The grandparents she'd never met because her Mom didn't want her to know them since well, I don't even want to get into that.

Anyway, Reese. Yeah, it was like. I knew exactly who that is. Why didn't I see her in Ellie the first time I met her. I should of known they were cousins. Or something. I don't want to think thats was why I was crazy about Ellie. But it was like, deja vu, or something. Kind of.

What's crazy, I possibly have a 5 year old. I didn't know about. Its so crazy. Does this happen to a lot of people? Maybe there are organizations to help idiots like me. I feel so lost now. I dunno what to do first.

I know what you're thinking. Well call this Reese up. Find out for sure. I know I should. But, I hate the fact I've really let down Ellie. I've let down everyone.


fan fic said...

I feel bad for him.

misty said...

such a hard time.

Cait said...

so sad..for all involved.