just thoughts

I dunno how I feel about this exactly.

I mean, sure I think Olivia is a sweet girl. And you know, she's old enough to make the right choices. But with Roger?

What's he gonna do, try on her clothes? I'm just saying he's a wild and crazy guy for starters. And yeah, I could see that happening. Who know, might be the kind of love that last a life time. Hard to say.

And then I have to be the bad guy. I didn't know what was gonna happen when I had to talk to her great Aunt. I feel kind of bad for her, actually. Cause I guess, they move Olivia in to kind of take care of her. You know, sort of. Nothing major. Just have somebody around. I guess. But that's a lot to ask. I mean, Olivia got a life too. I just think it was too much for the both of them. I don't think the Aunt wanted to be worrying about Olivia. She shouldn't have too. You know.

Anyway, we'll see how this pans out. Maybe it'll be great.

I hope so.

Haven't heard from Ellie. I hope things went OK with her and Leia. I think something else is going on too. Just not sure I know. She kind of talked about it to me. Then I'm all like trying to figure out, which guy are you talking about.

I just hope we are OK. I want us to be fine, but then you start to wonder, is fine boring?

All I can say just make the best of each day. That's all I can really ask for.

just maybe

Shit.

I told Ellie I loved her and then I hung up on her.

I haven't heard from her sense.

What if that was the wrong thing to say? Already? I mean, you know, we do things together. You know. Sex. And I hope she knows I wouldn't be doing that with her if I didn't have feelings for her. You know.

I mean, I do love her. She has to know that. And I think she loves me. It feels that way. Especially when she's around me. And she lets me lay my head in her lap when we watch TV. Thats the best. Her fingers in my hair. God, I love her hands.

I hope she doesn't hate me. But thats how I feel. And, well, I was like, what if I don't get out of this. You know driving Roger's car. She has to know I love her. She means a lot to me. And..and I hope I didn't fuck this up.

Roger on the other hand. What is up with that dude? He might have feelings for Olivia. OK, I know he does. I can see it. The way he is around her.

I mean, this dude is not straight up gay. I guess. I dunno. I'm not sure a psychology book would do any good to help me figure him out. You know, he's gay. He's not gay. I'm beginning to think he's one of those kind of people who loves to be needed and thats what its about. And then where do you go when that's over? Really?

I hope he's good to her. And isn't just playing her along. Because, she's so damn sincere, and I'm going to try to stay out of it. Because this is a Roger thing. I'll be the big brother I have to be. Honest, I'm not that good of a big brother.

I think back with Lonnie. How I was. I mean, he's seen me at my worst and yeah, I was real jack ass about what's her face. I feel better if I don't even say her name anymore. So I don't.

Anyway, Lonnie knows me. He really does. God, I wish he didn't know me so well.

I dunno. I don't even know if I want to mention this Roger thing to Ellie. Oh well, wait and see. Wait and see.