not my idea

Damn, I'm really pissed with Roger. I know he doesn't like me. I know he never has. I don't really care.

But a Halloween party. Who knows who'll be here. I'm, there was a time, hear the word party..and I'm there man. I am your man. I can party with the best of them. But the fact is, that kind of shit gets old after awhile. Really. Hangovers. Oh, yeah, I know what those are and I don't miss them

I just don't want to do anything that I'm gonna regret. Especially, with Charlie. I'm all he's got at the moment and, you know, I want to be there for the long haul with him.

Its just I don't know if Ellie is ready for this. I told him I wanted to move out. Of course, she was concerned about the weather. That could have been an excuse. And yeah, it not my kind of weather. Hey, I might be ready to get out of this old Nebraska town when winter is over. But, you know, I gotta a job, I like where Charlie has daycare. And I'm so glad I can be with Ellie, but its just temporary.

Anyway, gotta get ready to go over to Olivia's great Aunt's house. We'll see how that goes.

you know, how it is

All right, I've been so busy with Charlie and work and Ellie that I haven't done too much writing lately. I can't think of the last book I've read either.

Just when I kept telling myself, visit the library. We haven't even gone there yet.

So....

Charlie. He's so sweet. Really. I can't believe how happy I am around him. Its like I might get sick of myself from all this happy stuff. He can drool on me, and I'm happy. I feel kind of sad for Sarah's Mom who's going through chemo now and hasn't heard a word from Sarah. I'm kind of glad she hasn't. I don't really want to hear from her. Its like a nightmare, thinking she might show up here and want Charlie. I just don't want to let myself think about that.

I've been really, I don't know the word for it..but you know, I'm grateful that Ellie is OK with Charlie and me. I'm kind of shocked. It makes me smile though, that she's taken this all in stride. She has no idea how wonderful she really is. Still though, I don't want this to take a toll on her. Especially, with college and everything.

I know we have to find our own place. I can't expect Roger or any of them to know how I have to be now with a kid. I got to be careful. You know, I have a feeling Roger is going to want a party, a Halloween party with alcohol.

That would just be bad news for me and Charlie. I hear these stories on the news how parents get in trouble. I don't want to be on the news. Really.

Its kind of funny. I never knew I'd be worried about stuff like this. I wish Sarah had worried more about stuff like this.

I want to be the Dad that Charlie deserves. I do.

Well, I did let Ellie take Charlie to see her friend who's in that group place, recovering from a motorcycle accident. I don't know if she'll be back to see her friend. I should have gone with them. Actually, it takes both of us to look after him when we are out.

Man, I could just imagine how frustrating it was during that traffic jam. I'm glad they made it back OK. But he was really fussy. She definitely needs a vacation from us now.